encyclophedia.

what goes around, comes around.

2012-01-09T17:25:00.001+08:00

It has been said that how you treat other people is how others will treat you. It's karma.

Well, what you give is what you will get in return. So, could you please stop judging, criticising, and insulting others as if you were perfectly perfect? Trust me, if you do, some 'sweet' day, others will intentionally do the same to you, or maybe even worse. Wei, nobody's perfect.

Karma will only be a mother-fucker if you were. That's it. Simple right? You do good, you'll get good, and vice versa.

tentang dhia.

2011-12-29T19:30:00.000+08:00

last episode of "Tentang Dhia". feel like crying. such a very sad love story.

hopefully, whatever happened in the drama won't happen to me. i'm not that strong.

friend.

2011-12-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

yeah, friend.

what do you expect when you're dealing with difficulties in your life and you call your friend.

of course you're hoping that she will be the one who listens to you, to be a shoulder where you can cry on.

but then when you go through her facebook, there's a post on her wall, "bila susah baru cari aku".

well, that's life. swallow it.

i'm back.

2011-12-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

yeah, i'm back, after a long hiatus.

thank God, i'm still breathing today, a brand new me. and brand new stories,but not this time, will be coming soon.

i don't think i'm brave enough.

2011-01-13T10:27:00.001+08:00

my name is already on the list for minor oral surgery. *note the word 'minor' there.

but it's still in consideration whether i'll undergo that surgery or not. im just too scared.

pain, please go away.

2010-12-23T21:30:00.004+08:00

tears falling down my face, wondering if this is suppose to be, hoping that he will bring me back to another day where he loved me, and we thought we were meant to be.

i just want these tears to stop flowing down my face.

i want this pain to go away, and leave me alone.

keep smiling.

2010-12-18T23:34:00.001+08:00

though smile cant wipe away all the sorrows, it can lessen the burden and pain.

i forgive people (even the suckest of all) around me, and that makes me smile.

bodo.

2010-12-09T23:11:00.001+08:00

dem. takkan la tak boleh tengok result kalau tak buat sufo?

i wish i could turn back all the years.

2010-12-08T22:52:00.003+08:00

true. it's the only wish i have because every single day i go through now is like a punishment to me.

i love them all.

i don't think i can save myself.

2010-12-08T22:11:00.005+08:00

why do i stay when i want to go?

is it because i have hope? or maybe because i don't want to be alone?

i stay. and all i do is complain that i might be insane - insane of the thought that it might be my fault.

but who is to blame? all we do is ignore the pain. neither one of us will go.

i stay just to hear him says "you're to blame for all my unhappiness and pain."

as the days go by, i fell worse and worse. so many things have gone wrong, and it's so hard to stay strong. i've got to cry so as the tears run down my eyes, i realize that i dont have the strength to stay strong.

yeah, i dont have the strength.

but still, i stay, hoping that he will be consoled knowing i will NEVER go, and i will NEVER let him go.

kau sangat kurang ajar.

2010-12-08T12:02:00.003+08:00

aku pun tak tau sape yang kurang ajar ni. tapi kalau guna email aku, register dekat website bukan-bukan sampai inbox aku penuh dengan email yang bukan-bukan, tu memang dah kira kurang ajar sangat-sangat. kalau aku tau sape kau, memang aku dah bagi kau makan racun tikus.

hate. love.

2010-12-06T16:04:00.000+08:00

how would it feel when you hate person you love?

yeah, absolutely damn terrible.

foolish. loved. lost.

2010-12-03T11:04:00.002+08:00

today i stopped trying to be 'someone' for somebody who never thought of me as anyone appreciated and important to them.

inside, i know the space i had for them is now crushed and broken.

in time it will be for the best. though i feel an emptiness, knowing what i considered worthwhile proved shallow and unreal.

i've learned sometimes emotions seem clearer than perception, and eventually can lead to a heartbreaking revelation.

i cry tears of realization that once again i believed the lies that were in disguise and covered up.

honesty was masked with coy flattery. why was i so darn naive?

i can and will move on, but i won't forget i was forgot and actually believed a lie, not a lie out of the mouth...but of the heart.

That piece of this relationship is now many torn apart....

i must not be sorry for the encouragement and love i shared, because I know what i offered was itself a dare- a dare to let someone be a part of me, who didn't find a reason to care.

moments like these are rare..moments that i feel what i felt to be 'nothing' now and bare.

thanks for the lesson learned and always remembered. you were a 'lucky' someone who successfully got a part of the best of me. now i'll throw away the scattered and useless pieces and leave you be.

dedicated to the greatest man ever known.

2010-08-21T21:08:00.001+08:00

if the story was told only heaven knows, his hat seemed to me like an old halo. in 2008, i loved him and he loved me. God, i cried the day he left. i thought i was dreaming though the fact was i couldn't ever have his hug any longer.

i remember him, taking me to school every morning, getting a bicycle for me,bringing me out for shopping, sending me to university for my registration, taking care of everyone, and taking me wherever i wanted to go.

his stories will go on, and his love will remain.

he will be carried on in my heart, forever.

to my beloved grandpa,

i know you are in a better place. if possible, can you please ask God if you could get a special place in heaven so you can watch over me and all the family.

i wish i could hug and kiss you, and listen to one last story.

you'll never be forgotten, and you're forever missed.

secrets?

2010-08-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

dont need another perfect lie, and dont care if critics never jump in line?

bullshit.

im not going to give all my secrets away.

me?

2010-08-16T12:31:00.004+08:00

senile?

yup. thats the best word to describe me recently.

i really, really have no idea on what happened to myself.

the one and only fact that i know now is im senile.

dhia-possible.

2010-08-12T10:35:00.001+08:00

i used to think of closing this blog so that i dont have to live with all those memories.

but then, when i asked myself does it really worth it, the answer is definitely no.

its the memories that give me strength to move on with my life all this while.

and this blog was and still my very, very bestie which is willing to hear and entertain all my madness about my life and keep all my memories as well. and this will be forever, i hope.

when i created another blog, i thought i could let go all the memories here. but i was wrong. the memories here haunted me.

its something that i'll live with, forever, ever.

secrets.

2010-08-11T11:44:00.006+08:00

I need another story, something to get off my chest. my life gets kinda boring, need something that I can confess 'til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said, come by it honestly I swear. thought you saw me wink, no. i've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear, something that will light those ears. Sick of all the insinceres, i'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie, don't care if critics never jump in line, i'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far. it's like we're chasing all those stars. who's driving shiny big black cars, and everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises, just write it into an album. singing straight, too cold. i don't really like my flow, no, so

Oh, got no reason, got not shame, got no family I can blame. just don't let me disappear, i'm 'a tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear, something that will light those ears. sick of all the insinceres, so I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie, don't care if critics never jump in line. i'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear, something that will light those ears. sick of all the insinceres, so I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie, don't care if critics never jump in line. i'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

untitled.

2010-08-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

saya ada assignment yang sangat banyak.

tapi saya sangat malas untuk menyiapkan assignment.

saya cuma nak balik kampung.

selamat berpuasa!

saya tak nampak.

2010-07-30T22:07:00.000+08:00

yup. memang tak nampak pun.

terpatahkan spek. ada contact lense pulak tak boleh pakai.

dem.

tiba-tiba rasa macam nak makan ciken berger kat mekdi. ciken berger je la kan. yang tu je murah. 3rm je.

huh. what a crap!

why?.

2010-07-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

i just dont understand why he tends to lie rather than telling the truth.

i know the truth hurts me a lot, but to live with all those lies hurts me much more than that.

and loving him hurts me the most.

impossible.

2010-07-23T13:49:00.001+08:00

something happened inside of me that i cannot explain. from then on, my life has been forever changed.

it was like all i knew had been rearranged.

i try not to think about this. everytime i close my eyes, i wish that the time would just pass by and this is only a dream. all that i hope is the next time i open my eyes, i would be up high in the sky.

but i know it's impossible.

lutsinar.

2010-05-03T14:56:00.004+08:00

Oh! Lihatlah,
Ku seperti lutsinar,
Sedarkah kau ku masih disini?
Dunia ini tak lengkap tanpa hadirmu,
Hanya uji perjalanan ku,

Mungkinkah kita akan bersama?
Bila adanya lagu ini,
Ku menanti selama-lamanya
Bila akhirnya cinta kau dan dia.

Kau hidupku,
Tawa bahagiaku,
Ingin selalu bersamamu,
Dunia ini tak lengkap tanpa hadirmu,
Hanya uji perjalanan ku.

Hati perih,
Seksa,
Ku tak berdaya lagi

**by Joanna & Co.

im riding a roller coaster.

2010-04-13T16:13:00.001+08:00

i cried. i felt sad. i got 'help'.

but it still there.

only now i hide it. i want everyone to believe its ok.

but its not. im not ok.

its a roller-coaster of emotions. i slowly start to feel better and then all of sudden i crash again.

then it starts all over.

wad gila.

2010-04-08T04:40:00.002+08:00

tak perlu pakar psikiatri
ahli falsafah pembaca hati
muka kau yang aku benci
aku rimas baik pergi

tak perlu lagi preskripsi
pil itu tentunya tak berkesan lagi
wad gila yang aku pergi
sengaja ingin ku mati

.by robot asmara.
.such a beautifool song (",).

im smiling but inside, im dying.

2010-03-22T14:25:00.001+08:00

love. is that what i crave? if it is, then why cant i find it?

hate. does that mean anger? if it does, then why do i feel hollow?

pain. does that mean suffering? if it does, then why does it feel comforting?

memories. are they images of the past? if they are, then why i can only see shadows?

smile. does that mean happiness? if it does, then why does it hurt?

life. what does it mean? should it mean any of those things? if it doesnt, then why they are there?

hell.

2010-03-17T09:24:00.000+08:00

malas nak update. tapi alang-alang dah online, update je la.

nak pergi hell jap lagi ni, pergi cari pasal. biasa la, dah nama pun hell kan. takkan nak pergi buat charity pulak.

adoi.

dah la. malas nak taip.

babai.

fear of future is worse than pain in the past.

2010-03-15T16:39:00.010+08:00

my mornings miss you.

my evenings seek you.

where were you?

im getting sentimental over you.

for goodness sake, explain to me all these.

i just want this uncomfortable fucking feeling to leave me so that i can function properly.

i cant even drive my car.

2010-03-14T10:29:00.002+08:00

i cant smile, i cant eat, i cant sleep.

i cant even drive my car.

everything i do and see, or anywhere i go, reminds me of him.

if only he knows how much i love him...

and how much it hurts to see him with her...

love is bitch!

angel.

2010-03-13T11:33:00.004+08:00

halo ~~fucker~~!

please stop saying these to me:

"everything's gonna be fine"

or

"u've to be strong"

because im sick of these.

really, really sick. tired.

all i need now is an angel from above.

i only ask for one. it will be enough.

i need to breathe.

2010-03-03T15:20:00.002+08:00

you can see me smiling.

but you never know im dying inside.

im tired. im sick of all those essays.

i hate writing. seriously.

go to hell with those fucking essays.

p/s:

dr krish, im so sorry that i cant hide this feeling any longer.

im a big liar.

2010-02-19T02:00:00.000+08:00

i didnt keep my words to update this blog.

too busy.

plus, have to berebut with my adik-adik to online.

sorry for that.

update.

2010-02-13T09:00:00.002+08:00

im so sorry that i dont have enough time to update this blog.

tengs to those who keep messaging me asking about this.

i'll update it during this CNY holiday.

thats my promise.

p/s:

1. green, aku lupa lak pasal D300X yang aku janji hari tu. nanti aku bagi eh.

brand new.

2010-02-05T12:07:00.002+08:00

i've just started a new phase of my life.

new place - uitm

new course - lg 220.

new friends - nabilah, dewi, wawa.

new favourite word - fuck.

new boyfriend?

hell no!

he's from my past but now i've got him back by myside. and this is the best part.

one thing for sure, i wont look back. it's too hurt.

but im too scared to look forward.

such a fucking ass!

fascination under the consession of a king

2009-12-22T21:50:00.001+08:00

it's FUCK.

yeah, the title is FUCK.

long, long time ago, in the country which i've forgot its name, people who got married couldn't make love without permission from their king. so, the pengantin baru need to see the king in order to do the 18sx stuff. thank god saya tak lahir zaman dulu kala.

then, the king would give them the permit or lebih tepat lagi dinamakan F.U.C.K certificate melalui pegawai istana (kot). orang yang hantar cert tu selalunya akan cakap "hey, you got 'FUCK'!".

that's what i know about the origin of the word FUCK. Anyone with other version?

no matter how it got its name, but this is the most flexible word in the world, i guess.

Look. Fuck the fucking fucker. Pakej lengkap kan? boleh guna as verb, noun, adjective. ada siapa-siapa boleh suggest any other words yang lebih flexible than this?

i bet you can't.

p/s:

1. it hurts when people talk about my past, and it hurts the most when the particular person is the one i love. sakit kamu tau.

2. bila saya kata biarlah rahsia, i really mean it.

greedy is great?

2009-12-20T13:57:00.001+08:00

my younger brother once asked me, "kau pernah tengok tak orang tamak dapat sikit? slalu diorang dapat banyak kan?".

he kept telling me that greedy is good, greedy is the best policy, and whatsoever.....

but now when he has to face the real greed, all i can say is "nah, now you're digging your own grave!"

p/s:

1. nak tamak pun agak-agak la, takkan la harta orang lain pun nak kebas...

2. masih menanti orang yang boleh bagi rm20k, nak shopping.

3. finally, saya bayar fees for only rm600+.

saya lupa letak title untuk entri kat bawah

2009-12-15T19:44:00.002+08:00

ha, dah habis pun study kat uni***. saya sangat gembira so saya melompat setinggi awan lalu menggapai pelangi.

tapi lepas ni saya mesti rindu sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat kat era, bella, k.za, cik naina.

yang lain? rindu gak, tapi rindu biasa-biasa je.

erm, nak say tengs gak to k.za sebab sudi menumpangkan saya sampai saya menghabiskan sisa-sisa hidup saya yang terakhir di uni***. (F.O.C u know! tumpang almari skali). and dia siap offer nak temankan saya masa registration 2jan nanti :P

tapi nak cakap sorry, sorry, sorry gak kat kamu semua yang try to reach me @ my hp sebab saya sangat-sangat tidak mempedulikan hp saya sekarang. tapi kadang-kadang ada gak caller bertuah yang berjaya reach saya. 100000000000000 tengs to semua yang berusaha untuk contact saya . saya bagi tengs tu lebih 1 kat raja badrul hisham sebab dia yang paling berusaha dengan gigih. (tapi orang yang paling cemerlang dalam berusaha sebenarnya mama, tapi taknak say tengs or sorry sebab mama biasanya call sebab nak saya hantar pergi mana-mana, macam saya ni driver beliau pulak.)

oh, saya sekarang sangat busy merancang masa depan that i have not enough time nak update encik blog saya ni. erm, and i've just realized that my english is getting worst now. damn!

p/s:

28hb pulak nak pergi uni*** settlekan apa yang belum settle

2009-12-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

saya dah habis exam. tu je nak bagitau.

sekarang nak sambung cuti lagi.

babai.

p/s:
tadi jawab exam dengan cemerlang =)

こんにちは、　あろがとう、　さようなら、　また会いましょう。

2009-11-24T08:11:00.011+08:00

kenapa saya letak title tu in japanese?

一つの言語は消して十分ではない。

saya sekarang sedang ingin bercinta dalam mood black jack plus saya memang すき　sangat-sangat dengan bahasa black jack a.k.a encik kuro hazama saya yang tercinta ni.

petang ni nak kena submit script plus kena present dramanya pulak. after that, ada interview session. adoi. kenapa la せんせい tak buat interview session tu last week je? letih tau nak kena study. rasa macam nak pergi bertapa kat gunung ledang je. tapi takut pulak nanti kena makan dengan harimau or werewolf kan?

tapi lepas settle semua petang ni, saya boleh pulang berhari raya dengan gembira (raya haji je pun tak kisah la, janji nama dia raya kan?).

やすみ　time!!

p/s: i love you

1. semalam saya jumpa era dan bella lalu saya keluar dengan mereka walaupun sekadar temankan era cuci kereta dan makan. seronok kamu tau?

2. saya semakin bersemangat nak meneruskan hidup saya dengan penuh warna-warni setelah dimotivasikan oleh 'suju' saya, farouk.beliau mencadangkan saya supaya study tentang organisma bernama 'law of attraction'. about mr.k, saya taknak jadi insan ke-2, plus saya tak suka lelaki yang agak-agak sama tinggi atau kurang tinggi dari saya. saya mau yang lebih tinggi =)

3. mr ss buzz saya dekat ym. gediknya saya!

4. saya nak balik kampung hari ni, dengan qarmila. taknak sembang pasal camping la hari ni sebab nanti saya tak sedar diri bila drive. topic hari ni: kerana sepotong kek. boleh? sambil layan lagu klasik. saya punya だいすき　tu. or kamu mau lagu alleycats?

5. bella, kesian kamu. saya boleh hantar kamu sampai sg buloh je petang nanti. poket saya dah nipis ni.

6. hari ni last class kat living hell ni. tapi bukan last day. kena datang 7dec nanti amik exam.

7. banyak la pulak p/s hari ni. takpe, lepas ni saya nak bercuti. bagi kamu baca lebih sket so that kamu takkan rindu saya nanti. saya kalau kat rumah family saya susah nak online, sebab saya kan kakak, so kena mengalah dengan adik-adik. (adik saje, abang saya: jangan mimpi saya nak mengalah dengan kamu).

8. saya nak bercuti sampai bila, saya pun tak tau. cuti je la.

9. nanti kalau kamu nak tidur, jangan lupa mimpikan saya ye!

10. 愛してる。

saya dapat hantaran D3S dari encik green

2009-11-23T00:32:00.006+08:00

malam ni saya dapat hantaran yang istimewa dari encik green. tengok apa yang beliau bagi saya. tak sangka betul encik green ni sangat murah hati. saya sangat berbesar hati dan terharu semasa saya menjejakkan mata ke page beliau yang sangat handsome tu tadi.

D3S dari encik green

kalau kamu tak percaya beliau bagi saya hantaran ni, kamu boleh pergi ke page encik green. tenkiu encik green. esok jugak saya pergi kursus kawin ye. lepas habis kursus kawin, saya pergi carikan kamu D300X yang kamu nak tu ye. =)

p/s: i love you, green

1. saya sangat berjiwa klasik hari ni. tadi masa drive, saya pasang CD '20 everlasting love song'. tapi saya cuma dengar 3 lagu terpilih je, kiranya saya punya daisuki- track 1(sealed with the kiss), track 4 (casablanca) and track 13 (don't cry joni). bukan hari ni je sebenarnya, saya sepanjang masa memang suka lagu klasik.

2. mint, tak sangka saya berjaya buat kamu tak delete entri 'jiwa kacau' tu. ok. saya takde niat nak kacau jiwa kamu.

3. masih menanti kalau-kalau ada orang nak bank-in RM20, 000 kat dalam account saya.

4. saya sedang siapkan assignment. so better stop mengarut now.

siapa bagi saya RM saya sayang dia sampai mati.

2009-11-22T14:52:00.009+08:00

anyone would like to give me RM20,000++?

nak bagi lebih pun boleh. nanti saya sayang lebih.

text or mail me for further details.

p:s i love you

1. saya dah ada signature.

2. bella dan era, sudah lupakah kamu berdua kepadaku di sini? adoi. budak-budak kecik, saya sakit rindu sama kamu, kamu tau?

adding a happy chorus to a muted, lifeless song

2009-11-21T14:54:00.015+08:00

saya bangun lambat hari ni. (11.45am - gila ~~babi~~ lambat kan?).

luckily saya bukan kat rumah family saya. kalau tak, dah lama telinga saya kena tembak dengan mak saya sampai pekak (my mom is a sharp-shooter).

and yup, bangun lambat memang akan affect my mental condition. saya jadi bengong.

not in mood nak bercakap. dari mula saya bangun tadi sampai sekarang, saya buat macam saya sorang je ada kat dalam rumah ni. nasib kau la liza n ema.

pauline pulak sibuk je balik rumah dengan muka ceria "dhia, aku dah berjaya". saya pandang dia dengan muka takde perasaan. "aku dah berjaya present". saya masih buat muka takde perasaan. padan muka kau pauline.

p/s: i love you

1. bukak buku text form2 lalu tergelak sorang2 bila baca note kt 1st page. ada budak tulis "diey, without u makes me blue..". siapa kamu makhluk misteri?

2. malam tadi saya masuk bilik cik naina lalu ternampak beliau sedang bersiar-siar di blog saya ni. cik naina tanya saya siapa 'you' kat dalam entri 'sea of fakes'(kalau nak tau baca sendiri). you is kamu.

3. sedang layan lagu 'kukatakan dengan indah' by yuna. memang indah. sambil tergelak macam orang gila ym serta buat dosa dengan qarmila.

upsr

2009-11-20T15:50:00.009+08:00

adik saya baru dapat result upsr semalam.

i've promised her if dia dapat 5A saya nak bagi RM50. mak saya janji nak belikan hp baru untuk dia. abah saya janji..entah la, saya tak tau.

unfortunately, dia dapat 4A 1B je. selamat duit saya (saya memang kakak yang jahat). duit mak saya? tak tau la, sebab saya tau mak saya mesti belikan jugak a new phone for her (my mom is a banker from heaven, so korang sangat rugi sebab tak jadi anak dia).

tapi saya bangga jugak dengan dia because she managed to get A for her math. adik saya ni memang bengap sket subjek math. selalu saya yang ajar dia math (plus saya ketuk dia dengan ruler sampai menangis) bila saya balik during weekends.

dia dapat B for english. kalau kat rumah, mak saya yang ajar english. ala, biasa la, dia anak last. so manja lebih sket. mak saya pun mesti jarang marah dia, tak macam saya masa kecik2 dulu. everytime belajar english dengan mak saya, memang tak sah if tak menangis.

tak kisah la dia dapat 4A je pun, for me dia tetap adik terbaik sebab dia sorang je yang berani tarik rambut saya (sakit gila, sampai saya rasa kulit kepala saya nak tercabut). congrats to my little sis!

i'm fighting with a secret war.

2009-11-19T18:10:00.003+08:00

why me?

why do i have to deal with this?

i try to answer but i can't. i have no answer for these.

i think i have had about enough of the symphathetic "stick it out and be tough" and 'everything will be fine". can you understand what these lines do? nothing!

i dig for understanding.

it's something that people don't understand. well, some people.

it has been almost 4 years but my past continues to create who i am.

love is bitch.

that's it. i'm done. i've no more to say.

pre menstrual syndrome

2009-11-18T15:45:00.003+08:00

i went to the post office this afternoon with k.za to send stuff via 'pos ekspres'.

k.za waited in the car and i went into the post office.

i went to the counter and gave the 'pos ekspres' envelope to the 'kakak' at the counter and asked for another one because i wanted to send k.nurul some stuff too. she then asked me, "ape kt dlm ni?".

"mane la saya nak tau. saya tolong hantar je." (i lied. i knew what was inside).

"macam baju je. awak tak baca ke kat sini tulis, boleh hantar dokumen je," she showed me the notes on the envelope, with her slap-me-please face. (that stuff wasn't a 'baju').

"ala kak, saya tak tau, saya tolong pos je."

"tak boleh ni. kena guna poslaju. tengok elok2. kat sini kan dah tulis, boleh hantar dokumen je. tak baca ke?", again, she repeated the same fucking question. she gave me back the envelope.

i went out of the post office, to the stationery shop and bought other envelopes. after that, i came back to the post office with k.za, and this time, we used the 'poslaju' service.

and you know what, 'abang' at the counter wrote the word 'document' on the 'poslaju' form.

the 'kakak' refused to receive our stuff for the reason it wasn't a document and now that 'abang' declared that the stuff was a document. wtf?

maybe that 'kakak' was having pms that time :P

p/s: k.za gave me permission to drive her car today which she never did to others except her mr boyfie abg as. she loves her car very much that she wont simply let other person drive her car. :)

hari ni saya jadi photographer

2009-11-17T02:36:00.006+08:00

ala. saya janji dengan hafiz nak online dengan dia malam ni. tapi saya dah terlambat. hafiz dah tidur kot. sorry hafiz. tak sengaja, wireless sundal lak. plus tadi tolong kak za jap, jadi photographer (salah satu cita-cita saya nak kalahkan sue anna joe - boleh ke? saya ni berangan je lebih) .

ok. saya nak tambah lagi kat tag mamaaerish

SAYA SEDANG gembira tahap dewata raya. sampaikan saya rasa nak melastik bintang. tak, saya tipu. saya rasa nak hug and kiss semua orang. siapa yang tak cukup kasih sayang boleh la jumpa saya.

SAYA SEDANG tersenyum bahagia walaupun tadi ada makhluk tuhan paling sexy cakap kat saya "kau tak malu ke nak jilat balik ludah kau?" (saya tipu lagi. dia sms saya). fyi, saya ni tak suka meludah, so takkan la timbul isu saya nak jilat balik ludah saya. geli kot.

SAYA SEDANG fikir, macam mana hidup saya selepas 2 January 2010 nanti ye?

tag

2009-11-16T18:34:00.007+08:00

Tag dari mamaaerish :
8 perkara ‘SAYA SEDANG’...:

SAYA SEDANG teringat kat Hafiz dan rasa nak menangis sepuas-puasnya kat dia (mengadu nasib la konon2nya)

SAYA SEDANG dilanda virus malas yang serius. esok ade test tapi tak reti2 nak bukak buku. nanti tak dapat jawab baru padan muka saya.

SAYA SEDANG makan twiggies. nak ke? g la beli. bukan mahal sangat. rm1.30 je.

SAYA SEDANG teringat kuey teow hailam. malam ni nak g makan. eh, encik jam, cepat la berputar sampai pukul8.

SAYA SEDANG online dengan hafiz (macam tau je saya tengah ingat dia). saya cakap nanti saya try buat apa yang dia suggest tapi saya rasa nak nangis. hafiz sangat berharap. siap ada word 'please'.

SAYA SEDANG layan lagu cinta gila -GreySkyMorning. gila ke? entah la. ye la kot.

SAYA SEDANG sms si chumel k.za. ala. k.za cakap tak sure balik ke tak malam ni. hujan lebat kat kl. bukan hujan bunga di kl macam lagu ana raffali tu.

SAYA SEDANG tengok gambar baby mamaaerish. cute. bila la saya nak ada baby....(oh, saya belum kawin)

** tambah lagi satu. SAYA SEDANG malas nak tag orang lain sebab saya tengah kecewa. saya takde mood ni :(

p/s: mamaerish cakap saya mirip karektornya satu ketika dulu? oh, mamaaerish pun nakal ye.hope aerisha tak nakal macam mamanya dan auntie dhia. tengs mamaaerish tag saya. nanti tag lagi ye.

skooltime

2009-11-16T00:44:00.002+08:00

aku banyak online dengan kawan-kawan sekolah, including my senior yang masa kat sekolah tak pernah nak bertegur sapa, lately. and they bring me back to school. lots of memories. tapi aku cerita yang masa aku sekolah rendah je la.

1- masa darjah 1, cuma 2 orang budak pakai pinafore - aku and bestfriendku, qarmila. so, orang lain senang nak kenal kitorang. zaman ni aku suci lagi. belum tercemar oleh debu-debu kota -pinjam ayat ikhwan.

2- aku jadi asssistant monitor masa darjah 1 & 2. bullied all my classmates dengan power yang ada. aku selalu tak bagi diorang bercakap masa cikgu takde dalam class (except geng aku - qarmila, dila, ida, fairuz. kitorang boleh bercakap). monitor pun satu kepala walaupun akhirnya dia kena buli. selalu aku ketuk je mangsa aku dengan ruler. masa darjah 2 gak aku wakil sekolah dalam spelling competition. dapat no.2 lagi. best dapat voucher beli buku banyak-banyak.

3- darjah 3 aku jadi librarian. selalu gaduh dengan aqmal and afzan masa duty. diorang masa tu darjah4. aku bawak keluar buku library secara haram. tapi buku yang aku paling ingat 'big little hippo'. ada la kisah di sebalik buku yang istimewa ni.

4- masuk darjah 4, jadi prefect. became more powerful. lagi suka buli orang. masa ni jugak aku join group nasyid sekolah walaupun suara aku macam katak panggil hujan.

5- darjah6 aku jadi headgirl. so, memang masa tu aku lagi bertambah powerful. aku tumbuk sorang budak lelaki yang memang dah famous 1 kampung sebab suka cari gaduh. nama dia nazril. (sampai sekarang dia tak berani nak tegur aku, bila nampak aku je dia pusing muka kat tempat lain).

6- masa darjah6, aku anti gila dengan sorang budak ni. nama dia siti zirafah (suka hati aku je bagi nama orang camtu). kesnya, berebut nak naikkan bendera je masa nyanyi lagu negeri pahang and negaraku masa assembly hari isnin.

7- aku aktif sukan, especially acara lumba lari 100m and 200m. selalu aku atau fairuz je yang menang. orang lain mesti pasrah je la kalau kitorang ada dalam acara tu. kitorang pernah wakil sekolah tau acara ni.

8- aku dan geng aku- qarmila, dila, ida & fairuz anti sangat dengan budak cerdik yang bernama siti aisyah, anisah syakirah & nurul aili. diorang ni kedekut sangat masa exam. tak bagi kitorang meniru.

9- aku pernah dipanggil 'mermaid' oleh geng aku. kesnya, masa aku main lompat-lompat kat kolam sekolah, aku nak pergi kat satu tempat, something like platform kat tengah kolam tu. tapi entah macam mane boleh terjatuh dalam kolam. (kitorang panggil kolam tu 'kolam katak' sebab ada banyak katak).

10- aku selalu kena cubit dengan cikgu azlan sebab aku malas nak buat karangan. tapi aku tersangat cemerlang dalam subjek matematik. cikgu shukri belum habis ajar satu-satu topik tu, aku dah pun sampai ke topik yang lain (abah aku ajar kat rumah ye). dan aku memang rajin tahapp dewata raya nak pergi tuition math.

11- aku bersama geng aku pernah buat dajal kat poster geng kimah, anisah, aili. kitorang bagi cop tapak kasut kat poster diorang yang bertampal kat dinding. kesnya, kitorang tak puas hati kitorang kalah dengan diorang (aku siap curi first day cover abah aku yang beliau sangat sayang, termasuk menggunting buku-buku kesayangan beliau sebab nak buat poster tu- ampun ye abah).

12- must-bully-guy aku dan geng aku ialah budak yang bernama mohd hafizul faizal. dari darjah 1 sampai darjah 6 memang tak kering airmata la budak ni kena buli dengan kitorang (dia memang kuat menangis, tapi dah besar ni handsome la pulak). dia headboy kat sekolah tau. dah la dia ni seorang yang sangat la suka menimbulkan perasaan tak puas hati bila markah exam dia rendah dari aku. ha, kan lagi best aku nak buli dia sebab dia memang jarang dapat markah tinggi dari aku pun.

13- aku ada gak geng dengan boys - jasmirul, along, and abang aku. pernah sekali tu budak-budak comot ni jumpa rokok, lalu diorang ajak aku try. gila apa, sekolah rendah lagi dah pandai buat kerja tak bermoral. esoknya kitorang kena panggil dengan cikgu azlan. nasib baik dia tak mereport kat parents kitorang. sampai sekarang aku still tak puas hati dengan orang yang mereport tu.

14- hobi aku masa sekolah rendah dulu berbasikal. tapi aku pergi sekolah je naik basikal. balik sekolah abang aku yang bawak balik basikal. aku balik dengan abah aku. taknak aku kayuh basikal tengah panas. basikal tu arwah atuk aku belikan - hadiah sebab exam selalu dapat no.1. tapinya aku ni tak senonoh gak, sebab aku suka pakai skirt pendek dan mengayuh basikal pergi beli abc. masa dulu aku memang suka pakai skirt pendek. gila bapak tak malu aku ni.

15- ni yang paling best. result upsr. aku dapat 5A. yay. dapat masuk sekolah asrama penuh lagi. sama dengan along (tapi dia amik upsr a year before aku). yang lain tu bukan tak berjaya, just luck was not on their side masa tu. semua pakat masuk sekolah bukit buloh.

rindu gila time sekolah dulu. mana geng aku dah pergi eh?
dila kat uia, aku lupa dia amik course ape. fairuz amik nursing kat masterskill. along aku pun sama kat masterskill amik nursing (aku yang advice masa dia datang umah aku hari tu), ida kat uitm.
qarmila? kat unihell ni ha, amik tesl gak macam aku.
jasmirul lak lepas masuk secondary, terus aku dah tak kawan dengan dia. kitorang tak gaduh tau. cuma aku tak tau dia sekolah kat mane. jumpa pun bila dah besar. macam segan lak. dia tinggal kat kampung. tapi bukan jadi kutu mamai, dia jaga mak dia. mak dia sakit.

cerita masa sekolah menengah lagi panjang sebab aku lagi syaitan. nanti aku update ye.

cant take my eyes off you

2009-11-15T02:53:00.006+08:00

hari ni saya selongkar gambar saya khas untuk cik bulan. tiba-tiba terjumpa video 'battle of the band' masa saya 2nd sem kot. saya pun dah lupa. tapi saya taknak letak video tu untuk tatapan kamu sebab saya malu. saya cuma nak bagitau masa tu group saya nyanyi lagu 'cant take my eyes off you' versi muse. rock habis.

ada memori pasal lagu ni lagi.

masa saya belajar kat uitm n9 dulu saya kena menari untuk lagu ni versi klasik tak-tau-penyanyi-dia-sape masa fesco. tema masa tu retro. malam tu saya sangat kacak menari bersama pasangan saya-lee(dia ni sangat comel) di cabaret(betul ke tidak saya eja) tapi sayang betul saya takde simpan video masa tu. gambar pulak saya dah hilangkan (sebenarnya saya tinggalkan) masa saya belajar kat uitm shah alam.

**tiba-tiba teringat saya tinggalkan gitar saya kat dalam kereta. dah berapa lama ye. 2 minggu kot. kesian kamu cik gitar. maaf ye.**

ok la. saya nak tidur. esok kena bangun awal sebab skrip drama japanese saya belum siap. 24hb dah nak kena mendramakan skrip tersebut. nasib baik saya masih simpan buku teks japanese saya masa saya tingkatan1 dulu. senang sikit nak buat kerja.

p/s:
1. encik san, saya lupa saya janji dengan kamu nak cerita pasal beautifool lady dan pasal kereta saya kena langgar tu kat sini. tapi saya dah cerita pasal kereta saya kat fesbuk kan.

2. hari ni saya tulis bm sebab dah lama tak guna bm. ni lah akibatnya bila amik tesl plus sekarang saya amik japanese .

3. kawan saya tanya, "kenapa entri tahun lepas banyak yang dah takde?". jawapannya, sebab saya dah padam.sekian, terima kasih.

kenapa kamu tak faham?

2009-11-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

nak ckp kamu gampang, bodoh, sewel, sial, celaka, etc. tolong pergi jauh dari hidup saya yang seindah pelangi ni. saya betul-betul marah dengan kamu. harap saya takkan dengar suara kamu lagi. atau dapat sms dari kamu. kamu faham tak, SAYA TAK SUKA KAMU. tak faham lagi? SAYA BENCI KAMU. SANGAT BENCI. masih tak faham? ok. saya harap kamu mati cepat.

entri ini hanya untuk 'geek in the pink'. yang lain jangan terasa.

p/s: saya sudah menghabiskan 1 kotak besar cookie crisp sambil menghadap tv. ok. takde kaitan.

teacher

2009-11-14T16:41:00.003+08:00

when i was doing my practicum in rawang, i just couldnt wait to finish it. i wasnt into teaching.

i didnt care enough about my students. (hey, didnt care doesnt mean didnt teach). i taught them but i never bothered whether they learnt or not. i never scolded them for not bringing their books or not finishing their homework. i thought teaching was not my passion.

but then, after the practicum was over, i started to miss the moment while i was in that school, the students, the teachers. principally, i felt like i wanted to be with those small creatures again and teach them.

wish i could turn back time and make it happens again. **sigh**

question: what's that mean?

they were so glad to have a teacher like me haha

too lucky to have me as their teacher :P

p/s: i dont like school canteen since i was in school until i did my practicum. i didnt eat at the school canteen. the foods were terrible (for me).

aishiteru

2009-11-14T00:43:00.004+08:00

my mom texted me yesterday evening, "call abah blablabla".

"tgk la kalau rajin".

not that i was egoistic. i just didn't want to give him trouble.

he has had enough of all my fucking silly wrongdoings all this while. ok. no more lies after this. promise.

i dont like

2009-11-13T19:02:00.002+08:00

though i'm not a very hateful person, i have to say i don't like now.

i really, really don't like when my mom had to text me and reminded me to wish my brother a very happy birthday for today is his birthday.
damn it!
totally forgot.
what did i do today?
slept, ate, onlined all day long. no time to remember my very own younger bro's birthday.

ok. i've just wished him. no reply.

p/s: i haven't text my mom until today. wadda..

if i tell you

2009-11-13T14:32:00.003+08:00

aku tak suke lelaki. oh, tidak.

aku tak suke lelaki kacak yang celaka.

ok, that's it.

what a crap!

baloney

2009-11-12T23:07:00.003+08:00

what is more exciting than got 98/100 marks for japanese test when you only studied 9.8%?

****************************************************************************

i was sleeping when i got a phone call from a lady and she offered me a job, but i didn't know what kind of job she was offering because i was very, very 'mamai' at that time. when i woke up, i wondered and asked myself, when somebody called me at 2.38am, not pm, and offered me a job, what do you expect the job would be?

copydog

2009-11-12T11:26:00.002+08:00

i just dont understand why some people like, or maybe love, to copy other people's work. but then i've decided to be fair. i look this in both negative and positive sides.

firstly, i'll go through the negative side. i wonder where do these people put their brain. the answer that i think so right is in their panties. correct me if i'm wrong. but it's for sure not in their skulls. that's guaranteed. because people with brain in their skull or in their head wont simply copy other people's work, right? copying or using other people's work means they are using that particular people's brain, not their very own brain.

now, i'll look this matter form the positive side. if someone copy other people's work, it means that the work done is the good one. the owner of the work being copied has to be proud of his/her work. it's crystal clear shows that you are the best. terbaik!

p/s: i write this entry for the reason that my lesson plan has been copied and used by other people. same goes to my friend, k.za. though we get mad at first, but now i think we should be proud of it because it proves that we did our work excellently!

7th december

2009-11-12T00:26:00.001+08:00

angels will sing.
flowers will reborn.
the air will become so alive.
the days will become so bright.
finally, i can sing, dance, smile day and night.
no more life in this living hell =P

oh god, i just cant wait.
please make it soon!

well-learned lesson

2009-11-11T12:06:00.004+08:00

the older i get, the more i realize that i have been given so many opportunities and i just let them passed me by. then, i thought it's all over and nothing can be fixed -damn hard for me to go through.

but now i understand that when things get hard, i must not give-up, because it's the hard things that make me strong. yup, life can be unfair but it's there, and it's worth living. it's time to move on with life as there's no use crying over the spilt milk. it's time to get my life back on song.

go dhia!!!!

sea of fakes

2009-11-10T22:56:00.001+08:00

me : hey, look at you. you're wearing skin-tight jeans and skirt. your shirt so damn tight. i guess, it probably hurts when you breath.

you : none of your bussiness.

me : **see the other girl behind you**.oh, that girl's wearing the same. its odd when the supposedly real people wear what every one else is wearing. trying to be sexy.

you : **look at the girl and smile at her and then turn back**. huh, copycat!

me : you give her a very big smile but then talk bad about her behind. are you sure that she's copycat and not you? maybe it's you who are trying to be her.

you : oh, are you trying to say that you're so perfect? never make mistakes? and you're so real?

me : of course not. it's ridiculous to say that i've never slipped up and lied. and to say i'm the realest of real. but is it a mistake that i say what i feel?

you : hey, why don't you help me to find myself, and get real rather than complaining?

me : duhh..how do you expect me to help you while i'm drowning in the sea of fakes too???!!

good time together

2009-11-09T03:11:00.004+08:00

appreciating friends is something that i've found out i must always make time for.

so, i would like to dedicate this poem to them- whom i call friends =)

you laugh, i laugh

you cry, i cry

you walk, i walk

you run, i run

you jump, i jump

but if you jump off a bridge, im going to miss you forever, buddies (",)

p/s: the reason i write this is not to say i like you, but to say I LOVE YOU as friends and THANK YOU for choosing me as one of your friends :D

scandalous honey

2009-11-08T01:57:00.006+08:00

a friend of mine asked me, "kak, do you have boyfriend?"

i answered, "don't have. why?"

she just smiled and got back into her room. then she came back to me after a while.

"what about scandal?"

i looked at her. "it's normal." and once again, i asked her why.

that girl told me that she already had a boyfriend and she wanted to go out (to genting actually) with her 'boy friend'. her boyfriend didnt know about this. she felt like she was cheating on her boyfriend. this made her really uncomfortable.

since she seek for my opinion, so i thought i should consult her in this matter.

"i tell you what, scandal is human nature. just go and enjoy your time there. about your boyfriend, pandai makan, pandai simpan la."

look, i wasnt teaching her to cheat here, i just taught her to socialize and make friends rather than being a boyfriend-oriented kind of girl. (hey, boyfriend doesnt mean he's going to be your forever connected husband okay!!).

girls out there, use your head before you get your heart involved. you never know whether his love is so true and that he's not fooling you. u also never know whether your current relationship is the one that has lasting power. or maybe he'll never return your i-love-you words.

do make use of your brain. otherwise, you may get into trouble.

p/s: about the pandai-makan-pandai-simpan thingy, i've been practicing it, but only in certain situation-when it's needed. and never kantoi so far:P

invisible

2009-11-07T00:29:00.007+08:00

sometimes i wish that i was invisible, so that nobody could ever find me. but in the end, being invisible is not really worth it because when i'm invisible, he who matter most can't see me.

i won't fall

2009-11-06T00:25:00.008+08:00

life is unfair. there's a lot of misery we cant bear.
but i'm pretty sure that i'm strong enough to move on. my life is not a game.
yes, i've made mistakes, but i won't let myself down in the dumps.
i may be lost, but i will be found.
i may be afraid but i will fight.
i believe one day i will find the perfect life. i will find my dream, i promise. that's what i will achieve.
see, i use to be a fool when i let you laugh like it's hysterical.

one thing i can be sure, i'm missing him right now. miss his emails he used to send to me. miss his texts. miss everything about him.

hey, leave me, for god's sake.

a day to remember

2009-11-05T00:53:00.004+08:00

yesterday was his birthday and i had no idea where on earth was he.
1 thing that i was damn sure was we were not very far apart because we were always together in our hearts. all i could do was to ask God to shower him with His blessings, keep him safe, lead him always to the right path, and give him peace through life.
hopefully everything turns out better for him tomorrow so that he will find himself and realize that every bad situation will have something positive.
May ALLAH be with him always, all ways.

kumahu kau tahu

2009-11-02T02:29:00.003+08:00

fuh. letih. rase cam nak cari driver, senang sket aku nak ke mana-mana. tak payah susah-susah nak drive sendiri. tapi takde duit pulak nak bayar gaji.

tapi aku rasa aku letih bukan sebab aku drive jauh-jauh kot. aku letih sebab aku fikir pasal kau.

aku tau kau takkan baca blog ni. tapi aku tetap nak tulis semua ni. aku harap satu hari nanti kau akan baca jugak, dan kau akan tau.

kau special sangat dalam hidup aku. takde orang lain boleh ganti tempat kau sebab aku memang dah reserved satu ruang dalam hati aku untuk kau SAJA. maknanya, cuma kau sorang. dan aku mahu kau tau AKU SAYANG KAU.

i'm too bad, but i'm lucky.

2009-10-30T17:35:00.001+08:00

aku kat raub sekarang. on the way nak blk my hometown kat jerantut. kena amik route ni hari ni sebab adik aku pun nak balik. so amik dia dulu.

lepas amik adik aku si luqman ni, aku bawak dia makan dulu kat marrybrown. ingatkan lepas makan nak balik rumah terus. tapi end up online sambil update blog ni kat dalam kereta. location: Jalan Perdagangan Utama.

kereta break down. siput coyok betul. tak tau la nape. tengah-tengah aku drive tadi, terasa cam stereng ketat je. tekan minyak pun dah tak berapa nak jalan je kereta ni. so aku terpaksa la berhenti kat tepi jalan ni. maybe bateri prob kot.

dah call abah. abah pun dah on the way nak datang sini. tapi sejam lebih lagi kot aku nak kena tunggu. fuh.

luckily aku ade laptop dan broadband aku yang setia. so boleh la nak online.

aku juga ada guitar sekarang. boleh la nak memetik-metik guitar walaupun aku tak reti.

huh, abah call. abah cakap tengah charge bateri jap kat kedai mane entah aku pun tak tau la. jap lagi abah bawak bateri baru. tapi abah cakap lagi sejam nak charge bateri, plus sejam nak sampai sini. means, aku kena tunggu lagi 2 jam kat sini. now 5.30pm. Gosh!!!!!

takpe la. aku boleh layan guitar aku jap. adik aku ni nak online. aku bagi dia chance la.

i've changed but i'm still the same

2009-10-30T04:08:00.003+08:00

siapa yang pernah berkawan dengan aku mesti tau sifat aku. atau siapa yang pernah kena maki dengan aku mesti tau sifat aku. mungkin ada yang pernah kena carut. kau pun mesti tau sifat aku. atau ada yang pernah kena tengking dengan aku dah sedar sifat aku. aku ingat ada juga yang pernah menangis kerana sifat aku. termasuk ada yang pernah rasa penumbuk aku. serta hampir termakan penampar aku (nasib baik ada orang yang cepat tarik tangan aku). dan ada juga yang terluka kerana sifat aku (luka bukan sekadar di hati dan perasaan tapi juga di tangan).

aku memang seorang yang panas baran. ada bantahan? tiada.

tapi tu semua dulu. sekarang?

aku masih panas baran. walaupun tak sepanas dulu. does it make a difference? ya.

sebab sekarang kalau kau cari pasal dengan aku, aku cuma lepaskan marah aku dengan cara mencarut. masih menggunakan cacian dan makian. cuma sekarang aku dah tak seagresif dulu. kalau dulu tangan aku pun memainkan peranan penting kalau aku nak serang kau selain mulut. sekarang? hanya mulut.

yang lagi penting, kau kena tau apa pun kau buat kat aku, aku takkan cari kau dan cincang kau guna pedang samurai. atau pecahkan muka kau dengan pasu bunga mak aku. aku juga takkan tengking kau di depan public sampai kau rase nak terjun dari skybridge klcc sebab terlampau malu dicarutkan di khalayak ramai.

sebab sekarang aku hanya akan mencarut di belakang kau. aku rasa aku tak perlukan publisiti murahan dengan mengeluarkan muka aku yang agak tak berapa nak cun ni kat kaca televisyen (buletin utama tv3) sebab kes bunuh kelas pertama. jadi aku tukar option. aku hanya mencarut di belakang kau. tak perlu melibatkan fizikal.

kenapa mesti di belakang kau? sebab kalau di depan kau nanti kau akan menjawab semula. aku bukan takut dengan kau. tapi aku taknak keadaan jadi lagi kecoh dan serius. ramai orang nak tengok. catfight? bukan. catdog fight. aku adalah cat dan kau, bloody fucking dog (atau mungkin anjing kurap) yang lemah dan selalu dibuli oleh cat. (orang yang tengok cerita kartun catdog mungkin faham). nanti aku dapat publisiti murahan. itu yang aku cuba elakkan. aku taknak publisiti murahan.

tapi kenapa bila kau buat aku marah, aku masih boleh senyum? aku sendiri tak faham. mungkin aku sedang menuju ke jalan yang benar.

tapi kenapa selepas senyum aku mencarut? simpang ke jalan yang benar mungkin masih jauh. berapa km? aku pun tak pasti. fuck me. belum jumpa jalan yang benar.

kau? go to hell, you idiot!

mind vs heart

2009-10-28T22:05:00.005+08:00

mind : u shud stop thinking about him.

heart: nope, i cant.

mind: dont u remember last time when u ym-ed with him, he told u that he already had someone special.

heart then hang itself for the very fucking frustating fact.

in silence

2009-10-28T09:49:00.004+08:00

--recalling memories that hurt me through and through.
it slipped me away into the depth of hell where no one could reach me.
mis-treated and mis-used.
refused and excused.
and most of all, I was confused.

depressed

2009-10-26T02:35:00.004+08:00

really need prayer from everyone right now. i'm dying here. not because h1n1. it's because the tomorrow's interview. million tengs to hafiz for the call and the magical words you gave me just now. really appreciate it.

tired or exhausted?

2009-10-20T10:58:00.005+08:00

entri hari jumaat yang aku x post jumaat dulu.

aku baru je nak bermimpi mak da bising2 kejutkan aku. dengan mata yang tak berapa nak terbukak luas, aku bangun gak, yela, dosa besar kot kalau bangun lambat ni (bagi aku la - berdosa dengan diri sendiri sebab tak bertanggungjawab). nak kena pergi raub lak, amik adik aku kat SEMESTA.

adik aku habis skolah pukul12. tapi aku keluar awal, nak pergi bandar raub, cari maybank sebab nak settlekan kad atm aku. dah 2,3 kali aku pusing bandar raub tu, still tak nampak bangunan kaler kuning yang ade gambar kepala harimau. aku blah terus g skolah adik aku.

sampai SEMESTA dalam pukul12.05. budak2 baru habis kelas. tak nampak pun batang hidung si luqman ni. lame gile aku tunggu, dah dekat 12.30 baru muncul adik aku ni. lepas letak barang dalam kereta, dia blah cari kawan dia yang nak menumpang balik skali. nak kena tunggu lagi.

dah settle sume, kawan2 adik aku pun dah ade, kitorang pun gerak, dah dekat pukul1. budak2 ni tak pergi sembahyang jumaat pun. musafir kononnya (diorang yang cakap).

sampai umah dalam pukul2++. letih gile plus mengantuk tahap dewata raya. aku tido sampai maghrib. nasib baik abah kejutkan. kalau tak sampai subuh esok la baru aku bangun.

freaking friday

2009-10-18T23:39:00.005+08:00

ok. ni cerita pada hari khamis malam jumaat.

duet tinggal rm61. nak balik kg, dengan minyak kereta yang dah lip lap lip lap. kad atm maybank x boleh gune. damn, x boleh withdraw duet. kad atm laen? jangan tanye.

ade japanese clas 4-6pm. terasa macam orang korporat pulak mase dalam clas. hp asyik nak berbunyi. client2 aku call - mak, an, era, bella. mintak ampun byk2, tak boleh nak jawab call and reply msg, lecturer kat depan aku je.

6pm- abis clas aku buat kerja tak bermoral jap. 8pm- baru terhegeh-hegeh nak balik hostel, nak amik barang, bella n qarmila. after that, ajak diorang makan kat kampung belakang hell ni. makan nasik lemak. cari pasal betul, mesti lepas ni lemak ternakan aku membiak dengan bahagia. da settle perut, kitorang gerak. almost 9.30pm, nak hantar bella balik klang dulu. memang gile coyok punye lambat. dengan mata aku yang agak rabun ni (memang rabun plus silau) and aku tak pakai spec. nak cepat balik sampai tak sempat nak bukak contact lense.

sampai umah bella around 10.30pm. oh sori bella, bukan tak sudi masuk umah ko, tapi nak kena cepat balik pahang. babai. erm, sebelum tu aku sempat la pesan kat bella suruh dia msg era bagitau aku dah hantar bella balik umah dengan selamat. and bagitau gak aku tak reply msg dia sebab aku dah takde credit.

lepas hantar bella, aku n qarmila terus je gerak nak balik pahang. sempat jugak kitorang berdoa supaya kitorang tak terlajak sampai kat gambang macam yang kitorang pernah buat sebelum ni sebab terlampau menghayati cerita kitorang pasal camping. oh, ayah qarmila pun ade call and berpesan supaya kitorang tak terlajak ke gambang. orite sir!!(memang aku panggil ayah dia sir sebab cikgu skolah aku dulu).

sepanjang jalan tu kitorang macam biasa memang suka bercerita pasal camping. oh, think i need to mention this - aku n qarmila ni memang agak obsess dengan camping. Tengah rancak bercerita pasal camping, good idea crossed our mind. Why not kitorang join je rakan muda (feel that we're still young to join this club - ooppss!statement orang yang agak perasan muda)and then kitorang boleh mengembalikan kemeriahan zaman remaja kitorang yang memang takde keje laen selaen bercamping. heaven gile if dapat pegi camping!

Other than that, terkeluar gak cerita mase skolah dulu, pasal aku baling miss margaret fong dengan kapur masa clas add math. ok, feel that i was innocent here. it wasnt my fault. its hers for that damn mind-numbing class. but i had already apologized for that. (eventhough aku rasa aku tak bersalah tapi sebab dia cikgu, so tak baik derhaka). Aku rasa berkat aku mintak maaf tu la berjaya gak aku dapat 6C masa SPM untuk add math walaupun sebelum tu aku x pernah dapat credit 4 this bloody fucking subject.

Bila masuk je kawasan jerantut, hujan lebat gila coyok, dengan kilat sabung menyabung. Aku yang agak takut dengan kilat tiba-tiba cakap dengan qarmila "ish, kilat ni...kita dah la terskip maghrib and isyak". best friend aku sejak umur 6 tahun ni boleh la dengan selamba menjawab 'owh, kalau la kita mati malam ni, mati dalam kekufuran la jawabnye." erk, aku telan air liur, aku belum bersedia untuk itu. belum bertaubat.

2.00am sampai umah qarmila. her dad dah tunggu and bukak gate. After hantar qarmila, aku continue my journey home, alone.

aku agak cekal dan tabah sebab berani meredah kepekatan malam tu with my mind started thinking about 'that thing'. teringat pulak cerita qarmila pasal pocong kat depan rumah cikgu izman. adoi. aku still boleh berlagak cool. lepas tu lalu lak kat kubur. still boleh cool. depan sikit lagi, ade bus stop yang aku dengar2 cerita pasal orang yang dah mati tapi budak2 kampung tu slalu nampak 'dia' melepak kat bus stop tu. aku boleh cool lagi. depan sikit pada tu, aku tiba2 ternampak 'something' kaler putih betul2 kat tengah jalan. aku tekan brek. jantung aku dah berhenti mengepam darah. aku pejam mata jap, then bile aku bukak mata aku, benda tu dah takde. aku tak sempat pun nak baca ape2 ayat al-quran. aku terus tekan minyak, dalam kepala otak aku ni ingat nak cepat sampai umah je.

2.15 sharp, aku sampai umah. sume dah tido, except adik lelaki aku, an. aku borak2 jap ngan an, agak2 dalam kol 4 pagi aku tido. aku tak tau aku mimpi ape.

this is me #2

2009-10-15T00:51:00.008+08:00









This Is Me by Demi Lovato
(Rasa piano version of this song agak cool and damn aku suka lagu ni :P)
I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say

But I have this dream
Bright inside of me
I'm gonna let it show
It's time to let you know
To let you know...

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed
to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star

Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed
to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singin'
I need to find you
I gotta find you

You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed
to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

This is me... This is me...

You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singin'

Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

this is me

2009-10-15T00:37:00.003+08:00

Baru lepas baca CLEO dan terjumpa old cliche - you are what you eat. Ah, karut dan mengarut. Aku baru makan nasi lemak. Takde la pulak tiba-tiba aku bertukar jadi nasi lemak kan. Aku masih human being.
Or maybe aku patut adjust sikit. You are what you eat - so eat pretty food to be pretty.
Or maybe tak perlu ubah apa-apa. It's not the food that determine myself.
I am who I am. Take it or leave it.
Simple rite?

it sucks but that's life

2009-10-14T12:43:00.009+08:00

Woke up late today - and it affects my mental condition. Cant think as it shud be. Suck!!

Maybe it is the feeling that my youth is sailing away - never to return.
Maybe I am just - sober.

It's one damn thing over and over.
Whatever it is, and what it will be dealt with - it will as usual move on.
Ok. Better cut the crap now.
Owh, hi Moo Moo!!!

lost

2009-10-14T03:10:00.006+08:00

got class for japanese today - 4pm @pg10.

guess what?

i've lost in the faculty after over 2 years studying here.

cant believe this happened to me.

was there last 2 weeks - and today i forgot where is it. damn!

gave gaytri a call - she went to get me at rotunda. tengs gaytri :)

maybe got problem with my memory. have to do sth with it.

however, enjoyed today's lesson - refreshed what had learnt in form 1.

duhhhhh...not today actually - it's yesterday. already 3am now!

confession of a broken heart :P

2009-10-13T10:38:00.004+08:00

dunno why i've become senile lately. maybe got problem with my memory. but 1 thing that i realize - no matter how senile i am, i cant n i wont forget him. lalalala....

it completely fucked me up and around. damn craze to think about someone who's not mine -factually, or maybe i shud write like this : he's someone's boyfriend.

love chose to leave. why and how? we have the answers. there's a reason, and there's a meaning. we will know in time...

maybe i shud take it positively.

shud not reclaim it.

or to assess blame.

i have to suck it up.

shud let him go.

or i'm the one who shud fuck off.

NO, I CANT!

love's bitch!

mimpi

2009-10-13T09:43:00.002+08:00

just woke up. actually da bangun 7.30 td, off kan alarm, n sambung tido. bangun smule 8.30, cuci muke, gosok gigi, breakfast.

agak lame aku bermimpi. sedar-sedar je dah nak masuk 5 hari kot aku tak mengarut n sket-sket mencarut kat sini.

hurm, got class today @4pm. byk mase lg nk mengarut.

at this moment, otak aku cume boleh fikir pasal cuti deepavali. though aku x celebrate pesta cahaya ni, but as a malaysian, semangat 1 malaysia tu tetap ade dalam diri aku :D (raye pun blom habis kan?). hopefully jumaat ni xde replacement class sebab aku nak balik rumah lepas clas hari khamis ni.

owh, lupe nak bagitau, clas aku 2x je seminggu - tuesday 4-6pm n thursday 4-6pm. agak bahagia, at the same time memboringkan.

think i need to find part time job. boleh gak isi mase lapang aku. oh, aku da kerja baru ni, tapi sehari je. aku masuk kerja 11am n keluar @4pm. aku keluar terus dan x masuk2 lagi sebab kerja tu really2 tiring and agak protocol. officially jobless now. no job means no money..????

'JONG'

2009-10-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

nampak gigi yg lebih

aku nmpk jong dlm pic ni gak

my teeth

dlm pic ni nmpk obvious sgt gigi aku 'jong'

huh gigi aku sorang je yg kelihatan

Baru skrg aku terperasan dlm sume pic aku, gigi aku mmg 'jong'. No wonder la mak aku pernah cakap aku patot buat braces. Tunggu la aku kaya nanti (n aku da x takot dgn dentist) baru aku buat. Or ade sape-sape tak yang nak sponsor aku buat braces?

aku dan baby

2009-10-07T11:51:00.002+08:00

bukan baby aku la for sure...

aku blom kawen mane boleh ade baby kan...

but i love babies...

cute wey..

**my teeth - kinda 'jong' in this pic :D

untitled poem

2009-10-07T08:29:00.001+08:00

Aku bangun awal kol 7 pagi(awal la bagi aku sebab orang lain dalam umah ni belum bangun). Bukak je mata otak aku teringat yang aku pernah tulis 1 poem ni, kat mane eh aku save poem tu...

Adoi...cam da takde kat dalam laptop ni. Mane dia da pergi??

Takkan la poem tu boleh lari meninggalkan aku.
Poem tu memang takde title, sebab aku tak tau nak bagi title ape untuk dia. Maybe sebab tu dia merajuk n larikan diri dari laptop aku?

Wey, aku sayang gile kat poem tu sebab aku tulis sendiri pasal diri aku sendiri. Macam tak caye je aku boleh tulis poem tu..

Mesti cari poem tu.

i'm back...

2009-10-06T13:45:00.000+08:00

da setahun lebih kot aku x update blog ni...

bz study(konon2 la)....

haha but dlm setahun ni gak la aku berjaya up kan aku punye pointer after a great fall during sem mei last year -naseb baek x fail mase tuh...psychology o psychology!!!...

hasilnye: aku dpt dean's list 4 sem july n disember...yay!!!!
target nk dpt vc list lak tpnye result sem lepas cm siot je...

sem ni tatau la cmne...
bole ke nk score japanese?
aku da amik kot japanese mase skolah dulu, xkan la x bole kan????
yakin boleh!!!!
dhia boleh!!!!!

maybe i shud reclaim it.

2008-05-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

yup.

though dia mungkin dah tak ingat saya, or maybe dah tak ingat nama saya, tapi saya akan tetap ingat dia.

saya paling ingat dia bila saya check email. dah takde email dari dia.

sometimes, i think to myself, maybe i should give myself a try to reclaim my love back, but is it worth it?

fuck off je la dhia, dia dah ada gf. yup. that's the fucking fact.

what to do?

this feeling keeps following me since i left him. aiyark, stupid dhia!

happy tapi tak gembira.

2008-05-19T00:20:00.004+08:00

baru semalam fikir pasal encik anuar, malam ni dia online. dapat jugak ym dengan dia.

tapi kejap je la. lepas dia sign out aku dah tak tau nak buat apa.

situation dia sama macam kau nak cross jambatan, tapi jambatan tu runtuh.

bila la kau nak online lagi ye encik anuar?

idiot.

2008-05-18T01:30:00.005+08:00

rasa macam nak call encik anuar je.

dapat dengar suara dia jadi la kan?

jangan tanya aku kenapa.

tapi patut ke? nanti kacau dia pulak.

tak payah call la. stalk friendster dia je.

aku memang bongok. aku yang nak macam ni. padan muka aku.

adoi.

darkside romance

2008-05-17T21:01:00.002+08:00

idea sume da abis sebab nak siapkan novel. novel? aku tulis novel? sebab novel aku tu (boleh la nak ckp novel aku sebab idea dari kepale otak aku n aku yang taip) sebenarnye assignment, maka aku terpaksa tulis, didie wat cover. maka terhasil la novel DARKSIDE ROMANCE yang telah banyak menitikkan peluh dari liang roma aku ni ha.
da selamat pon anta novel tu kat mr k yang bg aku x berape nak cukup inci. tatau la nape ramai girls kat sini have a crush on him, pada aku dia biase je. n aku slalu ponteng clas dia sbb boring tahap dewata raya.

aku da mengarut..

better stop now.